I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
