p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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