By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
