Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
