trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
