just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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