Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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