this just has baby written all over it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
