You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize