For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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