I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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