You smell like a Billy Joel song
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
