It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
