If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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