mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
