Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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