My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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