Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
