Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am one with the molecules
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
