So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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