if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
