you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
