i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
