If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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