My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
