Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
