Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
