it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize