A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
