its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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