why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
