Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize