I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
