Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
