i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish I only lived at night.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
