Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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