You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
