I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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