Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i came on her dog
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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