So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize