If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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