On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize