so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
