I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
