somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize