i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
