I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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