i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
