feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
