Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
