you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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