So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Randomize
