If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish they made helmets for livers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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