$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
