On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
