how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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