Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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