anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize