its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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