How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
