not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
