1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
