so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
