you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
